Ever been on a bad date? Well, this is a series of the worst hook-ups you can imagine as two flatmates go in search of boyfriends. Presented as a ‘dark comedy’ in the programme, there are few laughs in the dialogue. What it does show is the naivety of young women and the danger that surrounds them, namely men and their own recklessness.
Accountancy graduate Clarissa (Helin Ekin) is an independent North London gal with a checkered family background. Having left home at 15, she seeks to make her own way in life but is not very good at it. Bad choices see her in and out of work, having one night stands night after night with ‘bad’ men while using her flirtatious coyness to pick them up. Drama student Emily (Stephanie McNeil who is also the writer) is looking for a long term relationship, her trait is wanting to be treated like a princess. Despite them pointing out the failings of most of the men they meet, they themselves are far from perfect.
Clarissa tells Emily ‘There’s fit men here, trust me, London’s different…There’s plenty of fit guys, you’re in London now.’ They share dubious dating tips like ‘Men love it when you don’t care.’ The play delves into the dire state of internet dating with its cringeworthy chat-up lines: ‘Bonus points if you are a plus-size queen’, ‘I go crazy for stillness.’ The one bit of good advice is ‘stay together on nights out.’ This, they don’t do and disaster ensues.
Despite constant exposés, some of the facts are jumbled. How much of the dating disasters were real? The first time we hear of Clarissa’s drink being spiked the audience is sympathetic, the next time that evening is referred to, there is no spiking but a man buys her doubles instead of the singles she usually drinks, and she ends up spending the night with him. It’s calculated behaviour on his part, but wasn’t a night of drink, dance and sex what she was setting herself up for? Her pick of a steady boyfriend is no better. He refuses even to accompany her to the clinic when after a routine health screening she is offered ‘the abortion package’.
Emily, from a wealthier family and a more stable background, seems to have a better path with her boyfriend Max, but her expectation that he will do everything for her is clearly a sign of a relationship running into the ground, as is the suspicion that whenever he opens his mouth he is saying what he thinks she wants him to say.
The four main male roles provide the actors with the opportunity to show their talents. Danny Jeffs as Clarissa’s misogynistic work colleagues gives us believable different types of ‘bad’ men. Seyi Ogunniyi shines as Lewisham bodybuilder against Max’s shy security guard.
It is entertaining and we never wilt, as the play skips through a series of events, but it does not stick to the theatre writing advice of ‘Show, don’t tell’. The girls explain everything to us as the story trundles along. Subtle it ain’t, but the subject matter is an important one – that of the vulnerability of young women so thumbs up to O’Neil for tackling it.
Presented as part of the SE Fest.
Cast: Helin Ekin, Stephanie McNeil, Seyo Ogunniyi, Danny Jeffs
Director: Isabel Steuble-Johnson
Music: Tom Harding
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Dates: 9-10 September 2025